The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
