I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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