somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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