i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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