Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
