I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
