I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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