dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize