I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
