Im at strip club and am horny
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
