just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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