He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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