Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
