jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
