Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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