We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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