hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You pole danced in your parka.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
