i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
