I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
