My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
