I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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