i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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