it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
