I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
