can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
