One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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