it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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