Need sex. Gaining weight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
