respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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