I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Enjoy the penises
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
