distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A+ Viking dick
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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