To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
