i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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