you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
