I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
