I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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