we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
