So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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