kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
