i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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