he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
