this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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