where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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