dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
