i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
