are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
