Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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