Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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