A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
