I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
