My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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