put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just tell him i said nine months
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
