one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
