Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
