You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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