Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
