By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
