I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
