I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
