so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
