Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize