It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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