I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
