just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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