yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
