Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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