he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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