So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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