we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this hospital has no fireball
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
