If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
