She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
