i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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