I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
