Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
