The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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