Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
