just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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