dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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