Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
