Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
